10 [going against the plastics]

[DD]

I thought being in round 10 and past the half-way point of this game would feel more accomplishing, but it doesn't. Today is not a good day for DD. I feel like shit because I just don't have a clear path in this game yet. It scares me because without a clear path, I'm afraid to make moves. Without making moves, I likely won't win. I feel like I'm in a rut because I don't know whether or not to go with the plastics or old Baci. I really want a combination of some of each, which is what's making it so hard.

But there's not much I can do about it now. I just want to make it to the merge and jury. I think by getting there, I'll be re-energized to really compete in this game. Right now I'm not at the point where I can be unapologetic in my betrayals. I guess you could even say I'm having a bit of a moral dilemma. There are just a few friends I don't want to lose in this game. I know it sounds dumb, but this game is getting hard for me. It's taking a lot out of me, and people are expecting so much. I have made too many promises and I can't keep all of them.

I just need to remember this:


~~~

The Shawna-Kim feud is happening sooner than I thought it would. Shawna already wants to take out Kim, and I basically shot it down. She then played the guilt-card saying that no one is listening to what she wants. I'm listening, a lot. I want to play with Shawna more than the plastics. The plastics are controlling and unoriginal. They don't listen to me really, and Kim has been subtly pushing for Chase to go next. I can read into subtlety, but I'm acting like I can't. I'm playing dumb and just maintaining that Wanda's going to go next. Wanda's of no use to me, though I'd rather get rid of Alexis. We'll see if we actually lose the challenge, and what happens when we do. I can't imagine the vote is as simple as just being Wanda. It almost never is.

If Kim decides to go for Chase, I may need to make a move against the plastics. Judd, Chase and Shawna are working on bringing her (Wanda) in. If they get her vote one of the plastics out, I may do it. Feeling like a bit of a loose cannon, even if it may be a bad game move. I just want to show them that I'm not their bitch. They should have voted out Alexis, who has been vocally against me from the beginning of the game.

If they won't listen to me, I'll make myself heard.

[DD]

20 times

[DD] swims along rope

1 time

[DD] maneuvers buoy over wall

20 times

[DD] swims along rope

5 times

[DD] maneuvers bouy through ladder

10 times

[DD] swims to shore

1 time

[DD] places buoy on table

[DD]

Need an update for yesterday. Anyway Alexis called me out! Unfortunately for her she's kind of deluded and has no idea about the plastics, but she sees some things. I want her out ASAP still. I will have a more detailed confessional once the night comes to a close, but here's our conversation. It's a long one but it's a great read!

Alexis Jones (11:19:44 PM):
DD (11:19:52 PM): gj on your heat gurlll
Alexis Jones (11:21:45 PM): so voting cameron yes
DD (11:23:26 PM): yeah that's what i'm doinnn
Alexis Jones (11:23:33 PM): of course
DD (11:23:37 PM): lol wat
Alexis Jones (11:24:20 PM): just saying
DD (11:24:44 PM): o
DD (11:24:52 PM): i dont get you~
Alexis Jones (11:25:00 PM): -eye roll-
DD (11:25:56 PM): do you have a problem voting for wanda?
Alexis Jones (11:26:04 PM): yes, clearly.
DD (11:26:50 PM): oh lol
DD (11:26:53 PM): you could have said that!
DD (11:27:01 PM): i figured since you were on board it was good to go
Alexis Jones (11:27:07 PM): don't bullshit me lol
DD (11:27:16 PM): wait are you kidding me?
DD (11:27:19 PM): you ask me
Alexis Jones (11:27:22 PM): no i'm not
DD (11:27:24 PM): if we are voting for cameron
DD (11:27:27 PM): i say yes
DD (11:27:32 PM): and you think i'm bullshitting you?
DD (11:27:44 PM): you literally walked me right into this trap
Alexis Jones (11:27:50 PM): no i think your bullshitting the game as a whole tbh
DD (11:28:03 PM): oh am i?
Alexis Jones (11:28:06 PM): yeh
DD (11:28:10 PM): i don't even know what that means lol
Alexis Jones (11:28:16 PM): clearly you threw the challenge
Alexis Jones (11:28:21 PM): so syd could be safe
Alexis Jones (11:28:24 PM): i'm not retarded
Alexis Jones (11:28:42 PM): and then youre going to run and tell everyone else that i'm calling you out on your dumb moves
Alexis Jones (11:28:53 PM): and then they'll be upset that your game is in a hassle
Alexis Jones (11:28:59 PM): and help you out, so you can get number 1
Alexis Jones (11:29:44 PM): and then i'll be the target, because you don't want to even have to try and hinder the fact that baci has 6 members
Alexis Jones (11:30:07 PM): when chase is a clear obvious vote, but you'd rather take out wanda then ruin your original baci alliance
Alexis Jones (11:30:16 PM): which everyone has really caught onto, and it's a little sad
DD (11:30:25 PM): ummmm sorry i don't want to vote out my ally?
DD (11:30:42 PM): i don't think you're an idiot, alexis
Alexis Jones (11:30:51 PM): thanks boo <3
Alexis Jones (11:30:55 PM): that's very swet.
Alexis Jones (11:30:59 PM): but i'm quite livid honestly.
DD (11:31:05 PM): i can tell!
DD (11:31:11 PM): i've never seen you so fiery
Alexis Jones (11:31:24 PM): well i hate throwing challenges more than anything in the galaxy
DD (11:31:24 PM): objectively i quite like it but i'm a little scared haha
Alexis Jones (11:31:29 PM): i think it's so pathetic
Alexis Jones (11:31:39 PM): we should not be going to a vote
DD (11:31:57 PM): who else do you think
DD (11:31:58 PM): threw?
DD (11:32:12 PM): clearly i would not throw a 7 person challenge and think i would succeed
Alexis Jones (11:32:32 PM): jake hunny, we're playing this game,
Alexis Jones (11:32:40 PM): the challenge could be done in 21 minutes slow
Alexis Jones (11:32:53 PM): we're not*
Alexis Jones (11:33:02 PM): you knew who threw, as much as i do
Alexis Jones (11:46:00 PM): "and then youre going to run and tell everyone else that i'm calling you out on your dumb moves"
Alexis Jones (11:46:33 PM):
DD (11:48:58 PM): what do u want me to say to that
Alexis Jones (11:49:11 PM): nothing, just making sure you understand
DD (11:49:33 PM): i've understood for a while!
Alexis Jones (11:51:22 PM): as has most of the cast
DD (11:51:36 PM): understood what, exactly?
Monday, July 1, 2013
DD (12:03:46 AM): okay well it doesn't even really matter
DD (12:03:52 AM): we're clearly not going to get alon gin this game
DD (12:03:53 AM): which is fine
DD (12:04:03 AM): but i would hope that
DD (12:04:09 AM): it wont' affect our friendship otherwise
DD (12:04:16 AM): like i hope ur not mad at me outside of the game
DD (12:04:20 AM): vote for me whatever idrc
DD (12:04:23 AM): i do like you as a person though
Alexis Jones (12:04:25 AM): oh no, it won't affect our friendship, i never take it outside a game
DD (12:04:28 AM): okay cool
Alexis Jones (12:06:45 AM): but in this game i think youre a rotten butt
Alexis Jones (12:06:45 AM): i was perfectly willing to work with you hun, but don't lie to my face and say it was the other way around
DD (12:07:29 AM): im sorry i have just been told by ppl i trust that you were after me from the start
DD (12:07:34 AM): bc you don't like the way i play in games
Alexis Jones (12:07:48 AM): i wasn't even thinking about you at the start of this game
DD (12:07:53 AM): (which as of right now i don't blame you, bc believe what you want but i HATE throwing challenges)
DD (12:08:02 AM): like i hate myself for doing that i really do but what's done is done
DD (12:08:06 AM): and i won't try and atone for that
DD (12:08:47 AM): if people gave me false info then i am sorry but i didn't just
DD (12:08:51 AM): go against you bc no reason
Alexis Jones (12:09:20 AM): well, i mean, i never went against you, and i definitely tried to hook you in, and work with you, but you instantly betrayed that haha
Alexis Jones (12:09:30 AM): so like, i can see why we're of different opinions right now
DD (12:09:59 AM): yeah i mean if i'm being honest
DD (12:10:02 AM): i was weary of your intentions
DD (12:10:24 AM): like i felt like you were keeping me close now bc game is still kinda young and large tribe
DD (12:10:29 AM): but at the first opportunity you'd cut me
Alexis Jones (12:11:08 AM): Nah, by hook in, I meant puppetmasters, when you tried to make me THINK we were alone in making decisions despite all your group chats
DD (12:12:29 AM): well i think it should have been clear i was working with you there
DD (12:12:34 AM): considering you and vee got first and second
DD (12:12:42 AM): just like you wanted
DD (12:12:44 AM): at the start of the challenge
DD (12:13:03 AM): like i'm not trying to say you guys didn't deserve it but i would like to think i was a helping factor in that
Alexis Jones (12:14:37 AM): I'd like to think you were more than a controlling factor in it
DD (12:15:00 AM): i mean i'm truly flattered
DD (12:15:03 AM): that you think
DD (12:15:11 AM): i am single-handedly doing all of this shit
Alexis Jones (12:15:22 AM): oh sorry, should i say you syd, and the rest of the hearty gang of misfit toys
Alexis Jones (12:15:26 AM): i shouldn't leave them out
Alexis Jones (12:15:28 AM): i apologize
DD (12:15:46 AM): oh okay lol
DD (12:16:26 AM): you're strategically not naming names!
Alexis Jones (12:16:47 AM): just as you're strategically playing dumb to the things you think i don't know
DD (12:17:04 AM): well i'm trying not to say too much i guess
DD (12:17:16 AM): because you're clearly not the best person to just know all of my game plans!
DD (12:17:33 AM): but i don't think
DD (12:17:49 AM): you're dumb or anything.... like you clearly are seeing through this
Alexis Jones (12:18:20 AM): i mean i'm truly flattered.
DD (12:18:40 AM): mocking now!
Alexis Jones (12:18:48 AM): mocking? no
DD (12:19:18 AM): oh
DD (12:19:20 AM): then what?
Alexis Jones (12:20:08 AM): flattered
DD (12:20:24 AM): alright well
Alexis Jones (12:26:40 AM): well indeed.
DD (12:27:24 AM): sad that's the most productive conversation we've had all game
DD (12:27:26 AM): but it kinda feels good
DD (12:27:29 AM): to have it out there
Alexis Jones (12:28:20 AM): It may feel good for you.
Alexis Jones (12:28:22 AM): But I agree.
DD (12:29:11 AM): i mean i'm not happy that my game is so transparent

[DD]

Probably screwing over my game but I think this vote is gonna be fun! You guys are probably all happy to see me going against the Plastics anyway!

I am going to get Kim, Miki and Vecepia to vote for Wanda like they said they would. Alexis made it clear she won't vote for Wanda and Wanda won't self vote so that's that. Myself, Judd, Chase and Shawna will vote for Alexis, and she should go 4-3-2. If Alexis does vote for Wanda, it will tie 4-4-1, and Alexis and Wanda cannot vote in the revote, so she would go 4-3. It's a shitty plan because I'm basically knowingly going against two idols, but I can't ignore the things that were said to me by Alexis. Longer post to come but that's my current plan. We'll see if I have the balls to execute it.

[DD]

This is me looking at basically everyone in the game right now.

[DD]

So long update because I'm avoiding AIM like the plague. We'll start with the day of the challenge! Not the day the challenge started, but the main day we were supposed to do the challenge - two days ago.

I basically had a mental break down over this game. I've never cried over an ORG before, because they have always just been games to me. And even, here, really, it's not about the game. I mean the game caused it, but I just felt so outraged by my alliance. Like as you all know, last round, Kim promised me that she would vote for Wanda this round. Well after Sydney basically forced us to throw the challenge, we were talking about the vote. Even Kim said she wanted Chase to go! Miki and Vecepia were relentless in protecting everyone but Chase, and I just felt really outnumbered. It was like they shrugged off anything that justified voting for Wanda or Alexis, and said that they didn't have any actual power in the game. It sucked a lot! I just felt like they didn't care about me and were assuming I would just be a number for them. It's hard when people you consider to be good friends of yours act that way. No one wants to be reduced to a number. So yeah, Saturday was definitely a low point for me.

Then, I threw the challenge. I'd have finished it 6 minutes early if I just did it right, but I had to throw and this caused me way too much trouble. I told Shawna my internet cut out and she acted like she bought it. I felt TERRIBLE about this because I love Shawna to death and lying to her breaks my heart. It was probably one of the single things I'll regret most in the game. Since I'm still in Florida, I spent most of Sunday at Universal, and it was pretty fun! I got back on AIM right around when challenge results went up, and a war began.

Alexis called me out! (See a few posts above.) It was pretty bad. I kind of tried denying throwing at first, but she was way too keen on what was going on, and way too pissed off. Plus, I don't think Alexis is dumb in any capacity, so why should I treat her like she is? She caught me in the act and that's that. I admitted to what was going on, because she blamed everything on me trying to keep old Baci in the game, since there are still six of us. It's a great cover so I just fessed up to it. Wasn't sure what else to do.

At this point, it was out that I threw my portion of the challenge, and I needed to do immediate damage control with Shawna - before Alexis got to her. I caught Shawna the second she signed after AIM (right after Big Brother finished in PST, thank you predictability) and confessed that I threw my portion of the challenge. She said it was okay and she still trusted me etc, after I told her everything. The person who she lost the most trust in was Sydney. Oops! I just felt like if Sydney was only asking some of us to throw the challenge, I shouldn't have to lie about WHY I threw it, since I didn't even want to throw in the first place. Anyway, I told her that Sydney was going to ask other people to throw as well, but I said I would throw my part. Shawna was upset that Sydney didn't even discuss throwing with her, considering they are supposed to be in the same final 4 alliance. Whoops! I told Sydney that I just told Shawna I wanted the opportunity to take out Wanda. Hopefully that doesn't bite me in the ass later but this round has been hard as fuck.

So anyway, I was still looking to take out Alexis. Not only have I been told that she's after me from multiple people, but she called me out as being the ringleader of the Baci alliance. Gotta cut her while I can! So we are going with the aforementioned 4-3-2 plan. I think Kim is going to be upset with me, but she'll need to understand why I did it. If she underhandedly took out Chase, and I had no idea it was happening, it wouldn't really piss me off that much. I think I'd be okay with it, but everyone is different. Damage control is going to be the name of the game after this vote, and tomorrow is my last day in Florida. I won't really be wishing to spend it on AIM, doing damage control. Luckily I can text Kim and snapchat Vee until things are alright, but shit is tough.

If Alexis goes, we need to win immunity next round. Time is the best healer and that will help me the most in making amends with the plastics. So that part is a little undefined right now, but shit will be okay. I plan on losing 0 friends over this game, and I hope other people feel that way.

Right now, I am talking to Wanda about voting Alexis. I tried making myself seem vulnerable, because I think when people feel needed they are more inclined to help. I told her that I initially wanted to vote Alexis but didn't think I would have numbers. I told her that I would vote for Alexis if she would, but I won't if she doesn't want to. This was after she told me she would vote for anyone. So yeah, I'm waiting to hear back from Wanda... And I have! She said that she assumes the vote is for her, if not Alexis, so she'll do it. I'm making sure she's 100% comfortable with voting for Alexis. So hard to trust this bitch but 5-4 or 5-3-1 would be way better. IDK just having 5 in a vote if 9 is way more comforting than having 4. Going to post this before it somehow deletes itself. Will update more later.