13 [two steps back]

[DD]

Way too many fucking pre-jurors on in the past 24 hours. I was talking about it with Sydney, Shawna and Vecepia (individually) last night, and now we're all thinking in some capacity that someone is coming back. WHY ARE ALL THE PREJURORS ACTIVE NOW.

[Host Lex]

Same exact amount as there are every day, paranoid pants!

[DD]

Jul 8, 2013 12:58:00 GMT -5 Host Lex said:

Same exact amount as there are every day, paranoid pants!

So merge?

[DD]

Mary's Confessional 6 122
- Carter's Confessional 18 125
- Kim's Confessional 20 74
- Rob C's Confessional 8 29
- Ibe's Confessional 13 42
- Boston Rob's Confessional 15 103
- Eliza's Confessional 8 50
- Ted's Confessional 8 86
- Coach's Confessional 15 35
- Elyse's Confessional 5 34
- Cochran's Confessional 9 37
- Pete's Confessional 9 43
- Sandra's Confessional 4 16
- Brandon's Confessional 6 44
- Neleh's Confessional 3 12
- Jason's Confessional 4 12
- Phillip's Confessional 2 2
- Sekou's Confessional 3 6
- Kelly's Confessional 2 8
- Rory's Confessional 3 10
- Jonas's Confessional 4 12

[DD]

Alexis Jones 11:13 pm
Are we at a point of civility yet or are we just going to teeter the lines of being constantly polar opposite

Don't feel so comfortable anymore, huh? I'll play nice for now, bitch.

[DD]

Feeling defeated.

This twist is shit. I'm seriously so exhausted, done, and upset right now. Last night I must've been in shock or something because today I've been a roller coaster of emotions. I love Kim, but this twist has no business being in this game. It basically punishes the people who were good enough to make it to the final 14. I really try my damn hardest not to complain or stay defeated for too long. I can take my allies getting blindsided, and I can take me making too many deals and having to live with them. I can even take random tribe swaps and Friday night semi-live challenges. These things are part of the game and while they act as speedbumps, they make the journey what it is.

This twist does not. This twist literally just sets the journey two steps back. Jonas is probably coming back to the game. This twist promotes jumping 21 fucking places on the memory wall. Jonas literally sat in prejury for 13 rounds and didn't do shit, and is now coming back to the game when everything is fucked and anyone is looking for a number.

I've sacrificed a lot to be this far. I lose sleep, I don't see my friends as often and I don't work as much as I should. I really fucking cared about this game and I thought I only had one shot. I didn't want to do anything to screw it up, and I was so fucking careful that I wouldn't be voted out. I took time away from someone while I was in Florida to make sure I was safe. I put so much into this game because I thought I only had one shot. Welp, I didn't. I didn't have to be as careful because as of right now, I feel like none of it mattered. You can call me dramatic, but I'm calling it warranted. There has not been an hour that's passed in the past month and six days where I haven't thought about this game in some capacity. I'm always checking the board, planning my next move, theorizing about challenges, or socializing with my fellow castaways.

I'd be silly to think that anything other than this game has been my #1 priority this summer, and right now, I really regret that.

[DD]

I'm feeling less pathetic today, but I'm still not thrilled. My main goal is to just try and win immunity until the final 14. I'm sure that someone other than Kim and Ted will leave before then, but at that point it's out of my control. I just have to focus on keeping myself safe. But unfortunately, Kim and Shawna are hardly at any point of anything, and now I have final 2 deals with both of them. In the end, I feel like one of them will be voted out with me voting in minority. It happened once so it can happen again. I want to be loyal to both, but I may have to choose.

That's probably why I'm most upset about this twist anyway.

[DD]

The first vote's probably going to be an easy one, with Ted or Wanda going. I am going to try and not cause too many waves, and just go for immunity. I definitely don't want to be the first merge boot.

[DD]

Well that fucking sucked. I beasted the challenge apart from one part of it, the ropes pieces, and it totally tanked my time. I can't see myself winning this challenge now, because I did so damn poorly. I really thought my jigsaw and slider times were strong, I found the key fast, and didn't screw up on the posting. It was just the damn ropes pieces! Oh well, if I needed immunity this early on in the merge, chances are I won't make it very far in the game regardless. Still, it'd be nice to have.

Going forward with this vote, things are... unclear. Some people want Ted, some people want Wanda, some people want Alexis gone. I'm not sure what Vee/Wanda/Alexis want, but we'll see. I think there is a kind of loose alliance involving Sydney, Shawna, Kourtney, Kim, Miki, Candice, Alex, Colby, Judd and myself. I'm not really sure where Sean stands. Ted is alone, and Chase is pretty much with Vee, Miki and Alexis in my eyes. He's so fucking close to Vee it's annoying.

I'm talking with Kim now, and we just don't know who's going to go this round. It probably depends on who wins immunity. I hope that neither Vee nor Chase win it. Alexis won't because she's at camp. Wanda won't. Ted could but probably won't. I'd love to win it but I don't think I've got a shot in hell. Whatever, I will be able to plan more once I know who's immune.

merge questions

1. Who is your closest ally? Do you plan on going to the end with them? Think you can beat them?

I have a tossup of who my closest ally is. It's between Kim and Shawna. Kim was my pregame alliance and has been my F2 for a long time now. Shawna was my F2 the moment Kim left, and I've been with her since day 1. This sucks! I hope one of them goes and it's out of my control, but it's going to be awkward if they attempt to vote for each other in any round.

2. Who would you say is the biggest overall threat remaining? Strategic? Social? Physical?

The biggest overall threat is probably myself. I don't like to overestimate, but I think I've played a pretty good game so far. I think I could present a strong case at the finale. The biggest strategic threat is... a tie! I would say myself, Sydney, Vecepia and Chase are all equally strategy savvy. We're good at plugging numbers and whatnot. Biggest social threat is Miki - she has no enemies. Biggest physical threat is Sydney. From f9 onwards, if she's not immune, she may need to be targeted. The only problem with that is she is my shield... but it doesn't really work if she's immune. Hard to say! Anyway...

3. Who do you want gone next?

Alexis! I know it won't happen because of idol paranoia, so it's probably Wanda or Ted.

4. What alliances do you have at this point? Do you plan on sticking with them?

I have the 4 Baci girls alliance, and alliances with Kim, Miki, Judd and Alex. I want to stay with them as long as possible, because I don't see many of them trying to turn on me. I am in really close with all of them, so it's just a matter of maneuvering in a way that will not have the others flip on me!

5. What's your strategy from here on out? Will it differ from how you've played so far?

My strategy from here on out will be the same as it has always been... adaptability. I really just need to roll with he punches of whatever happens. I think part of that - the part of that which truly defines a sole survivor - is one who can see opportunities when they arise. I'm going to have to strike at all the right times to win this game. I don't think this particular round is a time to make a move, though!

[DD]

Right now, I'm kind of freaking out. I know people are saying the vote is for Ted, and a lot of people aren't around, but it's still worrisome. I just feel like so many votes are being piled onto Ted, Vee could basically eliminate anyone with her idol. I'm not sure she's going to play it on Ted, but I just have an awful feeling about this vote in general. Maybe it's just that I'm terrified to be the first merge boot? I don't know. I hate when people say that others aren't deserving and whatnot, but I feel like I deserve to be here more than the returnees and Wanda. But the game's not fair... I just don't want to be 16th place.

I know I just need to focus on this vote right now, but I can't shake the Shawna-Kim thing from my mind. I feel terrible doing this to Kim, becuase I know she's so loyal to me, but I made another deal with Shawna when Kim left. And now I don't know what to do. I feel like my answer will come in time but that doesn't mean it's not on my mind.

It seems like the vote is going to be Ted, so I'll probably just vote that way. If I get idoled out this round, then so be it. People aren't looking to shift the vote, so I'll have to take whatever comes. But really, why would they vote me out? Kim or Sydney would make much more sense!