My time on Survivor had just ended and the thing I was most upset about was that I knew I had left an awful impression on everyone. “What would my family think when they see it?” This was my main concern because I didn’t want my family seeing a side of me that they had never seen before. I was in game mode, but they wouldn’t understand because they have never played the game of Survivor before.
When I got home, my family was so happy to see me. They asked if I had fun and when the show would be airing. They knew I couldn’t tell them anything about how I did or what happened before it aired, so they didn’t bother asking.
“I wasn’t myself while I was out there, I was playing Survivor,” I told them.
They didn’t think much of it. They just kept expressing how happy they were to see me. All the way home from the airport I kept hearing it. I was happy to see them too, but my mind was in so many different places. I was horrified by what the world would see when the show would air.
We had a welcome home dinner for me that night and I noticed my phone vibrating on the table. I wasn’t sure who it was because the number was unidentified in my phone. I walked out of the room and answered.
“Hello?”
“NAW NAW NAW….YAW?”
I hung up. Why was he calling me? How did he get my number? I really just wanted nothing to do with him at this point. I lasted 38 days out there with him, I needed some peace. My family asked who had called and I just brushed off the question.
The truth was, I just didn’t want anything to do with my Survivor experience at all. I wanted to totally forget about it because I was disgusted with myself. I did things I would never do in the real world, but how would anyone understand that I was just in game-mode?
The next few months went by and I tried to bring Survivor up as little as possible. I actually was not allowed to openly tell people that I was on until the cast was officially announced, so that worked to my advantage. Only my close friends and family knew about it at the time, so when I was with them I didn’t talk about it much. I think they all could tell something was wrong when it was brought up, so eventually they just stopped bringing it up.
It was finally time for the show to air. Almost everyone I knew came over my house and watched it. Week after week, it was the same thing. Everyone would come over, we would watch it, and people would question me. I knew they wouldn’t understand that it was just because I was playing the game, although I know I did some unnecessary things.
“I can’t believe what I’m seeing,” said my mom. “How could you do that to that poor Rob?”
“I wanted to win,” was the only thing I could say.
By the time the end of the season came around, I could tell my family was not happy. They were happy with how far I made it, but they were not happy with how I played the game. I was reading right through their fake smiles and laughs.
I went into a state of depression. I knew that all of America watched the show since it was the first season and they all probably hated me. I couldn’t deal with the ramifications of the way I acted on the island and I just wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. Everyone I had met on the island was pissed at me, except Rory but I didn’t care for him, and I wanted to make peace with everyone if I could.
The reunion show was the next night and I did not want to go at all. I had signed a contract so I had to go, but I wasn’t looking forward to it. I knew I would get booed like no one ever has.
Rory ended up winning the game and I honestly didn’t care. I know he didn’t deserve it, but I guess he was more deserving than Jason. It was the first time I saw anyone from the game since it ended because I assumed most of them wanted nothing to do with me. Danielle wouldn’t even look at me; I could tell she was still very mad.
When Lex went to ask me questions on stage, I got booed like I knew I would. There wasn’t one person in the audience that was happy to see me. I really was the biggest villain on reality television. I ran backstage with tears rushing down my face; I was embarrassed, upset and depressed.
After the show, I tried talking to Danielle backstage. “Hey” was all I could say as I walked up to her. She immediately turned the other way and walked away from me.
As the next few weeks went by, things just kept getting worse. My friends wanted nothing to do with me, my family only talked to me because they had to and I was getting nothing but hate mail. Basically, the experience changed my life and it wasn’t for the better.
The weeks turned into months and nothing was getting better. School was awful and the kids there were nasty to me. Throwing food at me in the dining hall, spray painting words like “bitch” and “cunt” on my dorm room door and just avoiding me in every other way were the common things that were happening to me.
After a year of dealing with this, I was done. I was tired of all the bullshit that I was getting from people over something that happened on a television show. No one understood that I was playing a game and that I wanted to win. It didn’t matter to them.
That morning, I decided to pack my things and run away. I thought that getting away would be the best thing for me and just starting over. Survivor had more of an effect on my life than I ever thought it would and that wasn’t a good thing at all. But where did I have to go? I couldn’t go to any relatives’ houses because they would tell my family and none of my friends talked to me anymore. I had a car, but it was currently being worked on in the shop. So, I decided to hitchhike. Surely everyone couldn’t have watched the show and not hate me, right?
I stood on the corner of the highway just looking for anyone to pick me up. Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. It was getting late and I still wasn’t getting picked up by anyone, so I settled down my stuff at a park about 20 miles from where I live and slept on a bench. My experience on Survivor did this to me, and I couldn’t believe it.
I woke up the next morning in a station. I wasn’t sure where the station was, but it looked like a police station, I was certain about that. One of the people there walked up to me.
“Miss Powers, we found you lying on a bench at an hour that we found it odd. We wanted to take you here to make sure you were safe for the night,” explained the officer.
“Thank you very much, but I’ll be just fine,” I said.
“We cannot allow you to leave until someone who can identify you and knows you comes here to pick you up. We called the most recent person who had called you on your phone while you were asleep,” he said.
As soon as he said that, I had a bad feeling. It was the one person that didn’t actually hate me. I could recall Rory calling me multiple times a day just to talk to me. I hadn’t talked to him since the game ended and didn’t want to talk to him now. I saw him walking through the door of the station and toward me.
“MY LITTLE KIMMY!” he shouted.
I knew I had to act like I didn’t know who he was so that they wouldn’t let me leave with him.
“Uh, who are you? One of my very few Survivor fans?” I asked.
He didn’t say anything. I saw him whispering to the officer that was originally talking to me. Then, he turned around and started walking out the door. I was very surprised.
“You really are a bitch,” he said under his breath as he left the building.
After he left, I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t think of anyone that would actually come and pick me up other than my family and I didn’t want them to come because I was trying to escape my life and start a new one. Then, I thought of the perfect person. I knew right away that this person was very caring and would definitely come and get me, even if he was a few hours away. Right away, I dialed the phone and hoped that he would pick up.
“Hello?” he asked.
“Hey Rob…. I’m in a bit of a predicament right now. I need someone to come down to the police station and pick me up so I can leave. Is there anyway you can help me out?”
“Sure, no problem. I’m not sure why you called me of all people, but yes I will come down and help you out,” said Rob.
I was really relieved because I wasn’t sure I was going to find someone that wasn’t family to help me get out of there. I waited for a few hours and when Rob finally got there, he was actually excited to see me. His face lit up and it was a type of reaction I had not been used to receiving since the show was aired.
Rob and I sat down in the station and caught up with our lives since last seeing each other at the reunion. I went on to tell him about how awful my life had become and the reason why I was sitting in that station. He looked devastated and I really couldn’t figure out why.
“Don’t worry, you’ve got a friend in me,” he said with a big smile.
I told Rob about me wanting to start a new life and he said I could stay with him in Boston if I needed to find somewhere to get back on my feet. I was so grateful and couldn’t believe he was offering me this after the way I treated him on the island.
“I know it’s just a game and that’s not really how you are. You were playing to win and I respect that,” he said.
The next few weeks were really great for me. Staying with Rob really helped me get back to being myself and it was all because of the way he was treating me. I knew if Rob could treat me well after what I did to him, then others should be able to as well.
We did everything together and what was once a great friendship ended up turning into a romance. Rob and I started dating and when the public found out about that, it helped my image a lot more than it hurt his. Rob was America’s sweetheart and being associated with him and people seeing that we were together really made people think twice about me. It wasn’t the reason I was dating him, but it was definitely a plus.
Rob and I dated and lived together for almost a year, ten and a half months to be exact. However, things just didn’t end up working out between us. We didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things and we both thought it might have been best to just end it. Neither of us are upset with the other and we are still great friends to this day, but it was something we just both mutual agreed on. Rob really helped me see a lot of things in a different perspective and was the only one there for me when I was in my state of depression.
I always remember the main thing Rob told me. He always wanted me to remember that it was 'just a game."
Shortly after the break up, I decided to move back home. I had been in contact with my family throughout the last year of living with Rob and they knew I was alright. Their attitudes toward me changed from me dating Rob as well and I think it was because they knew what I was talking about when I said “I was just playing the game.” I think the world was finally starting to realize that.
When I moved back home, it was somewhat back to normal. After the depression I went through, there was never going to be a sense of normality like there was before Survivor came around. My friends were talking to me again and I was able to finish school just fine without any problems.
Then, one day my phone rang. It was an unidentified number. No, it wasn’t Rory, I had his number memorized in my head due to the amount of times he would call me. I picked up the phone, curiously awaiting the person to say something.
“Hey Kim, its Lex.”
“Oh, hello Lex! This is a surprise. How are you?”
“I’m fine, I actually had a question for you. I was wondering if you would be interested in returning for another season in the near future. We’re thinking of having an All-Star season and you are definitely one of the people we want back,” he explained.
“I’m not so sure, I will have to get back to you on that one. I don’t think you quite understand what I went through after returning from the first time I played.”
“That’s fine, we will be in touch!” he said.
I wasn’t sure what I should do. I knew that me playing again would only result in maybe more people hating me and me getting voted out very early. I also knew that I might be able to change people’s perceptions of me and that this could be the easiest way to do so. I really was leaning toward returning.
“Lex called me and wants me back for an All-Star season,” I told my family.
“What are you going to do? Do you want to repeat what happened last time?” asked my mother.
“I think I’m going to play. I think people might see me differently this time. After all, it is just a game.”
. There seem to be a lot, and I'm not sure which are real and which arent
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