Chronicles of Hellyse: Inspirer of Jealousy

[Hellyse Umemoto]

I can't shake the feeling of unavoidable doom that this game is inspiring in me, but I shall do my best to soldier on.

If I have the time, I might go all hardcore arrogant Succubus, and write a novel about these inferiors that will surely be smote by my greatness. We'll see.

Anyway, I've decided to have fun with my situation. According to Judd, he, Ibe, Candice, Mikayla, and Brandon have all formed an alliance and they want me and Coach out first. So I basically had an alliance against me before I was even officially part of the cast, which in a sense I suppose is kind of an awesome compliment. And, since I'm effectually as doomed as I can possibly be, I might as well have a good time with it!

Now, the fun thing is that this alliance is supposed to be super secret, so they're all having a great time pretending that nothing's going on. Judd told me about it, Mikayla's steadily pretending it doesn't exist (alol), Candice pretty much openly admitted that it's going on but that there's potentially still hope (doubtful), Ibe's refusing to talk game, and Coach is Coach.

Brandon, though... I legitimately can't believe.

For the sheer lulz, I asked him, "How unbelievably screwed am I?"

His response wins an Olympic medal for being what the marvellous hosts of Top Gear would call "A complete and utter pillock."

I am sure you have gotten out of worse

Well, gee, Brandon. Way to say "Yes, you're completely boned and I'm not even going to pretend that I would consider helping you" while still trying to make it sound like you're my pal. Seriously, what are you trying to pull here? Glad to know that not only are you a deceptive little crap, but you apparently think I'm paint-drinkingly stupid and somehow won't notice that you didn't answer a direct question.

Remember, kids, lying's a sin. Deception might technically be true, but its intent is to make someone believe something that's not a truth. Just because it's half the truth doesn't mean it isn't half a lie, and you won't get sent to half-Hell!

[Hellyse Umemoto]

So, I have legitimately no idea if this is actually going to work or not, but if it does, I'm going to laugh really, really hard.

Last night the Poseidon tribe asked if we'd be interested in voting with them. We agreed to. Then we just needed a target. Apparently everybody was down with voting Sekou out, which... whatever. I figured it'd be an inactive, but just for the sheer hell of it, I decided to see if I could paint a target on the Feroca/Shakira tribe.

Now, the hilarious part about this is that Alexis is my boo, and I want to work with her more than anybody else in this game. But she told me straight up that her, Wanda, Jonas, and Vecepia have an alliance. Ordinarily I wouldn't care, and would just slip that bit of info into the bulging "people who need to die" file, but as it stands, I know that Jonas and Wanda know to look out for me, and Vecepia and I aren't on good terms at all (I essentially told her I had no interest in pretending to be friends with her, which looks indescribably lame and stupid when I write it out like that, but is apparently a huge horrible thing in the high-school-clique-esque vortex that is ORGdom.)

So I figured, hey, if they're going to have their incredibly obvious alliance, and I'm going to be in their sights later on anyway, I might as well draw first blood before my tribe gets rid of me. Sadly, Sydney and Chase were disinclined to vote for Vecepia, so we're voting for Jonas instead.

The hilarious part is that Brandon insisted on being the one to pitch this to the other captains, so now he put a huge target on Gwad En Fail, and either they're going to turn around and bitchslap him or Jonas will go home. What this means is that either I directly changed the course of a thirty-five person vote and bitchslapped an alliance I dislike, or I got my team to bitchslap themselves and I have a better shot of surviving, but either way Brandon stole the credit and will take all the blame, so really either way I come out of this in a much better position.

Unless, of course, this glorious confederacy of bastards randomly votes out Sekou anyway, in which case this entire confessional would be embarrassing.*

*For someone else. Succubi are never embarrassed.

[Hellyse Umemoto]

Aaaaaand Jonas went home.

[Todd Herzog]

^^ basically the GvsE rankings in a nutshell

[Hellyse Umemoto]

And Tres en nalyD dominates the hell out of the first challenge, thanks in no small part to the epic team of Coach and Elyse. Both of us knew we'd have to step it up big time, and we delivered. I did two of the puzzles, and finished both of mine before some people had done their first, and Coach did the barricade removal.

Naturally, this has no effect on Brandon whatsoever. That boy is such a tool that he could star in his own Home Hardware commercial. I've been steadily feeding the anti-Hantz fires, keeping up a steady stream of chat with Ibrehem and Candice and letting them know just how much of a pretentious dillhole that little nutter is turning out to be, and his antics at the first tribal are pretty much solidifying that beyond all doubt.

Right now, Coach and I are hoping that Ibrehem and Judd will flip to work with us. Ibe's the big question mark, because Judd is the one who pitched the idea and seems to want it to happen, but Ibe is so darn difficult to read, and it's nearly impossible to connect to him on any meaningful level. I think, however, that I finally struck a chord with him - we're both religious, so we have a decent amount to talk about on that front.* The trick right now is to get him talking about himself and feeling comfortable with me, so that when the time comes to ask for his help, he won't feel like he's just being used.

The other arrow in our woefully almost-empty quiver is the fact that Brandon, for whatever completely moronic reason, told Coach that he doesn't want alternates to make it far, or, gosh forbid, win the game. Well, first off, this is a guy who deliberately turned down the ability to play as his more All-Star-worthy character, and is trying like hell to alias despite his secret being slightly less secretive than Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky. Yeah, okay, Dylan. Way to set yourself up as the patron saint of respecting the game, while totally failing to do it on pretty much every count. Testify!

Even better, both Judd and Ibe are alternates. So Brandon basically not only bitchslapped both of the swing votes, but did it to Coach, who couldn't possibly benefit more by selling him out. I'm hesitant to become too hopeful here, but the fact that Brandon's trying to save Coach is actually a good thing. Brandon's gonna have to go after me first if he wants Coach to stay, and I'm pretty sure Candice isn't going to be a fan of that, since Coach never talks to her. That's going to give Candice extra incentive to overthrow him, if he tries to make a power play at our first council.

Dylan, buddy, you know that I love you, but for the love of Pete, if you're going to make an alliance that excludes and screws over your FE homeys, MAYBE don't let them stand next to the self-destruct button, mmkay?

Who knows? Maybe Brandon was right, and I really will fight my way out of this. Far be it from me to be dumb enough to let myself feel false hope, but I've at least got enough things going here that if I do go down, those bastards are going to have to work for it.


*Yes, the sex demon is religious. Isn't irony hilarious?

[Hellyse Umemoto]

Oh. And Rory's gone.

[Semhar The Poet]

Jun 7, 2013 1:32:20 GMT -5 Hellyse Umemoto said:

That boy is such a tool that he could star in his own Home Hardware commercial.

It's shit like that that reminds me why I love you so much.
Thank you, I can't stop laughing.

[Hellyse Umemoto]

Ugh, so FRICKING close. Screw Coach and his unbelievable puzzle times. I just needed one more point... UGH. Now the crap's gonna hit the fan and I have to scramble like a mother to survive this round.

[Hellyse Umemoto]

We are like the Jews when they left Egypt and headed to the promise land. They had to starve in the desert for forty years. Moses never made it to the promise land. Instead Joshua took over as the leader and led his people to the land of milk and honey. I would like to believe I am Joshua, the new leader who will lead his tribe of Season 2 members and Coach to the promise land where they will feast on Immunity and Sausages!!!!

Yeah, no. The Jews starved in the desert because they were fricking morons who ignored the fact that God had sent down a crapton of plagues onto Egypt and parted the Red Sea to bring them to safety, started worshipping a golden calf, and were all deemed unfit to enter the Promised Land.

They also weren't even called Jews then, they were called the Israelites.

Also, I can't stop lol'ing at Brandon comparing himself to Joshua. It's pretty obvious that he's trying to vote me off, so I'm pretty certain that I'm the one who's supposed to be Moses in this scenario. Funny thing about Moses is that he wasn't some little weak old dude. No, no. Moses laid the absolute smack down on anybody who was dumb enough to challenge his claim to leadership. There was a group of guys who challenged Moses' authority, and the ground literally opened up and swallowed them, right then and there. Another time, Moses' sister and brother got pissed off that God put him in charge, and God responded by instantly giving the sister full-blown leprosy. And that's to say nothing of the time he cursed the whole camp to be attacked by snakes.

Oh, and he also routinely encouraged his soldiers to commit total genocide on their enemies, so that they would be completely obliterated from the face of the Earth. This specifically included women, children, and babies - as well as animals and inanimate objects.

So all I've got to say to that sneering little false prophet is this: "Let my people go."

[Hellyse Umemoto]

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah.

[Hellyse Umemoto]

Also, just noticed that Jathoneous went home from Poseidon.

That means that both God and the Saint got their butts kicked by the sex demon.

[Hellyse Umemoto]

Not sure how to feel about my new tribe.

Alexis I like and want to work with, but she's got some kind of a tiff with Kourtney, and that's bad for business in the long run.

Colby and Rob are bros, and if we wind up getting Alex that's going to make life really interesting. I feel like the three of them will bond together, and that's going to be something to majorly watch out for, because if they pull in Cochran and Pete, that's going to be a massive majority that I'm gonna have to ride along with, and I kind of don't want to take out any of my ladies if I can avoid it!

Anyway, at least everybody that hates me got put on different tribes, so I shouldn't have anything to worry about in the long run. I'm working on endearing myself to Colby, Rob, and Cochran, and hopefully that'll keep me in the game for the foreseeable future.

[Hellyse Umemoto]

Oh man. I definitely underestimated Cochran. The guy is going around acting like he's got no clue what's going on, but he's steadily making moves. He's got Pete on his side, and he wants to try and take Candice and I down. Well, that's not gonna happen if I have anything to say about it. We need to win challenges, and if Cochran's going to try and pull the weaker elements of our team into a majority, that's gotta stop.

Right now we're making Pete the target, the idea being that Cochran will flee to Rob and Colby, and we can take him out after that, by pulling in all the ladies.

Of course, if Shawna or Kourtney really feels like smiting a major threat, I'm gonna be gone faster than you can spit, so I wouldn't be at all surprised if something goes majorly wrong and I wind up being booted. All I can do for now is hope that I've done a good enough job of keeping myself in the middle of everything, and direct traffic outwards for a bit.

Seriously pissed that Gwad won this challenge, though. With the exception of Ibrehem, there's nobody on that tribe that I have any interest in working with, (the possible exception being Rob C, who extended me a non-aggression agreement, on account of us both being winners, but I'd kind of like him to go home so that I can be the last winner standing), and it would have been nice to see one of them go home.

On Poseidon, I'm seriously hoping that Chase bites it. He's got ties to the brains on Gwad, and I don't want him spreading his poison over there. Sandra would be another good choice to go. Bitch is only a minor devil, she's got nothing on a hellion like me.

[Hellyse Umemoto]

Round Five: "This Means War."

Har har har har har.

So apparently DD and Kim and Syd and... I dunno, whoever the hell else, got together and decided to make a huge ginormous powerhouse alliance, and naturally they're not fans of mine. I dunno if it's because they dislike me, or because I don't fit into their plans, or I'm a threat, or what have you, but it seems like that grouping is I'm just gonna declare war on the whole lot of them, and see what happens. Naturally, the whole plan got ratted out to Kim in a matter of minutes, so I'm not terribly enthused about my chances for success, but, hey. I'd rather go out early (because, let's face it, I was kinda already assuming that would happen) and know that it was because I rattled the biggest powerhouse group in the game and made them uncomfortable, than go out later because I outlived my usefulness.

Break out your compacts, ladies. It's about to get ugly up in here.

[Hellyse Umemoto]

I don't think I've ever seen a dumber result than this loss - and when you consider my cohosting credentials, that's saying something.

My tribe, quelle surprise, are being shifty and not wanting to discuss the vote. So naturally I'm paranoid, but since I'm so pissed about the garbage that constituted this judging session, there are chronic constipation sufferers that could give more of a crap than I do right about now.